Lately I've been reacquainted with an old friend, He's been more like a brother to me. He is always glad to hear my voice, and ready to go when and wherever. He's always been quick to stay with me at the drop of a dime and loves to listen when i speak. He can even stand the sounds of my voice when i sing. He has always been there for me no matter what I've done or where I've gone.
I left my friend because it hurt me when i couldn't understand what He was saying. I felt as if i couldn't trust Him. Although i knew it was my fault for not being a better listener and not trying hearing Him tell me the truth. I only i wanted to hear Him agree with me all the time, even when i knew i was wrong. I was being selfish. So i went away from our relationship that i had damaged and bruised. i became frustrated and angry with myself and blamed Him. In my heart i didn't want to leave Him but i did.
In the months apart i had so many questions and needed so many answers that i could not get out of my mind or have the insight to give myself. My line of thinking always came around in a circle, "why?". i struggled a great deal to make my way without His friendship, i felt more and more alone and afraid. He had always been there to make me feel safe and cared for. He even went out of His way to promise me He would give me everything i ever needed. I still can't believe i left Him standing there in the road as the wind picked up the dirt and swept away...i can see His image in my mind on that road just standing there waiting for me before moving on. I am a terrible friend.
As i walked away i knew i was going to die without Him, but i kept walking. How ashamed i am now for placing my one foot in front of the other. Thankfully, and unbeknownst to me, He was right behind.
i couldn't see Him right behind me as i continued to walk away. i had become so badly wounded and so near to the hands of death! I still have a hard time believing that it was then that He gently lifted my feet from the that road and carried me. He carried me until we came to where He knew i would be ready to see Him again. Instead of being bitter and hateful and letting me die, He saved my life!
Completely forgiven me from being such a wretch to Him. In my shock he offers for me to take His hand and walk with Him, but i just broke down and began to weep. Falling down in the middle of the road that is sometimes dangerous and narrow, i let down all guards and lay at His feet and just wept. With compassion He sets himself down beside me, holding me, He says, "My beloved, do you still not know what lengths i go for you? Honored Princess, I die for you over and over again until you will see that i love you more than anything!" He places this crown on my head, holding me still, He stands me up wiping off the dirt from the road. He then again holds out his hand for me to take and motions to walk on. In the familiar direction where i am once again headed there is hope, love, and Joy beyond any measure.
I am typing these words out of thankfulness to my friend who has saved my life more times than i ever deserve. The tears of fleeting pain and overwhelming joy stream down my face. I've been lost , beaten, used, bruised and forgotten by many and saved by one.
I am now resting in the arms of a beloved friend who's life bleeds the passionate promise of faithfulness. One day when the beginning meets the end and begins all over again i will truly understand, and know "WHY".
