His voice...
...is like thunder over the waters.
Friends:
Amy Cowley
Andrew Drennan
Andrew "Indy" Knottage
Anneleen
Barbie
Bethie
Cozza
Elissa Ikeda
Heather Bailey
Jonah Bailey
Katy Lou
Marie
Mark "Cheese" Knight
Mary Blair
Miriam"Mad Españadora"
Sam"Oatmeal Spice"Purdy
Sion
Sir Thomas Price
Quotable:
“I want to talk to God but I’m afraid ‘cause we ain’t spoke in so long.”
"Jesus Walks"
-Kanye West
Poetry Corner:
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
"My Immortal"
-Evanescence
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Wednesday, June 23, 2004
A Poet Dies...Most of All a Peacemaker!
U.S. News
Matt Houston / AP file |
Mattie Stepanek dies at 13
Child poet succumbs to muscular dystrophy
Mattie Stepanek in November 2001 |
ANNAPOLIS, Md. - Mattie Stepanek, the child poet whose inspirational verse made him a best-selling writer and a prominent voice for muscular dystrophy sufferers, died Tuesday of a rare form of the disease. He was 13.
Stepanek died at Children’s National Medical Center in Washington, D.C., the hospital said. He had been hospitalized since early March for complications related to the disease that impaired most of his body’s functions.
In his short life, the tireless Stepanek wrote five volumes of poetry that sold millions of copies. Three of the volumes reached the New York Times’ best-seller list.
“Mattie was something special, something very special,” entertainer Jerry Lewis, who chairs the Muscular Dystrophy Association, said in a statement. “His example made people want to reach for the best within themselves.”
Stepanek, of Rockville, had dysautonomic mitochondrial myopathy, a genetic disease that impaired his heart rate, breathing, blood pressure and digestion, and caused muscle weakness.
His mother, Jeni, 44, has the adult-onset form of the disease, and his three older siblings died of it in early childhood.
Began writing at 3
Stepanek began writing poetry at age 3 to cope with the death of a brother. In 2001, a small publisher issued a slim volume of his poems, called “Heartsongs.” Within weeks, the book reached the top of the Times’ best-seller list, the MDA said.
He wrote four other books: “Journey Through Heartsongs,” “Hope Through Heartsongs,” “Celebrate Through Heartsongs” and “Loving Through Heartsongs.”
His poems brought him admirers including Oprah Winfrey and former President Carter and made him one of the best-selling poets in recent years.
Stepanek was hospitalized many times over the years. He rolled around his home in a wheelchair he nicknamed “Slick,” and relied on a feeding tube, a ventilator and frequent blood transfusions to stay alive.
In the summer of 2001, Stepanek nearly died from uncontrollable bleeding in his throat and spent five months at Children’s National. When it seemed he would not survive, the hospital got in touch with a Virginia publisher on his behalf.
Stepanek and his mother had sent the book to dozens of New York publishers, all of whom rejected it, according to Peter Barnes of VSP Publishers. Barnes said he was caught off guard when he read the work.
“I was stunned. Some of it was really good,” he said Tuesday. “It was very perceptive and thoughtful.”
Didn't fear death
VSP Books printed 200 copies of “Heartsongs” to be handed out to friends. But after a news conference publicizing the book, interest exploded. “Heartsongs” went on to sell more than 500,000 copies.
“Mattie rallied after that,” Barnes said. “He went from being on his death bed to becoming this huge publishing success.”
Despite his condition, Stepanek was upbeat, saying he didn’t fear death. His work was full of life, a quest for peace, hope and the inner voice he called a “heartsong.”
“It’s our inner beauty, our message, the songs in our hearts,” he said in an interview with The Associated Press in November 2001. “My life mission is to spread peace to the world.”
He is survived by his mother.
http://www.myhero.com/myhero/hero.asp?hero=mattieStepanek
| Mattie's book of poetry, Heartsongs, is a compilation of his early work. It is a soft bound book and includes 20 of his poems and his artwork. A hardcover sequel, Journey Through Heartsongs, with a broader collection of poems spanning the seven years he has been writing is now available. The hardcover is sold through VSP Books, retail stores and other distributors. |
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About the Author
I am Mattie J.T. Stepanek.
My body has light skin,
Red blood, blue eyes, and blond hair.
Since I have mitochondrial myopathy,
I even have a trach, a ventilator, and oxygen.
Very poetic, I am, and very smart, too.
I am always brainstorming ideas and stories.
I am a survivor, but some day, I will see
My two brothers and one sister in Heaven.
When I grow up, I plan to become
A daddy, a writer, a public speaker,
And most of all, a peacemaker.
Whoever I am, and whatever happens,
I will always love my body and mind,
Even if it has different abilities
Than other peoples' bodies and minds.
I will always be happy, because
I will always be me.
---Mattie
3/2/98 |
Posted at 10:17 am by saralarissa
Monday, June 14, 2004
Lately I've been reacquainted with an old friend, He's been more like a brother to me. He is always glad to hear my voice, and ready to go when and wherever. He's always been quick to stay with me at the drop of a dime and loves to listen when i speak. He can even stand the sounds of my voice when i sing. He has always been there for me no matter what I've done or where I've gone.
I left my friend because it hurt me when i couldn't understand what He was saying. I felt as if i couldn't trust Him. Although i knew it was my fault for not being a better listener and not trying hearing Him tell me the truth. I only i wanted to hear Him agree with me all the time, even when i knew i was wrong. I was being selfish. So i went away from our relationship that i had damaged and bruised. i became frustrated and angry with myself and blamed Him. In my heart i didn't want to leave Him but i did.
In the months apart i had so many questions and needed so many answers that i could not get out of my mind or have the insight to give myself. My line of thinking always came around in a circle, "why?". i struggled a great deal to make my way without His friendship, i felt more and more alone and afraid. He had always been there to make me feel safe and cared for. He even went out of His way to promise me He would give me everything i ever needed. I still can't believe i left Him standing there in the road as the wind picked up the dirt and swept away...i can see His image in my mind on that road just standing there waiting for me before moving on. I am a terrible friend.
As i walked away i knew i was going to die without Him, but i kept walking. How ashamed i am now for placing my one foot in front of the other. Thankfully, and unbeknownst to me, He was right behind.
i couldn't see Him right behind me as i continued to walk away. i had become so badly wounded and so near to the hands of death! I still have a hard time believing that it was then that He gently lifted my feet from the that road and carried me. He carried me until we came to where He knew i would be ready to see Him again. Instead of being bitter and hateful and letting me die, He saved my life!
Completely forgiven me from being such a wretch to Him. In my shock he offers for me to take His hand and walk with Him, but i just broke down and began to weep. Falling down in the middle of the road that is sometimes dangerous and narrow, i let down all guards and lay at His feet and just wept. With compassion He sets himself down beside me, holding me, He says, "My beloved, do you still not know what lengths i go for you? Honored Princess, I die for you over and over again until you will see that i love you more than anything!" He places this crown on my head, holding me still, He stands me up wiping off the dirt from the road. He then again holds out his hand for me to take and motions to walk on. In the familiar direction where i am once again headed there is hope, love, and Joy beyond any measure.
I am typing these words out of thankfulness to my friend who has saved my life more times than i ever deserve. The tears of fleeting pain and overwhelming joy stream down my face. I've been lost , beaten, used, bruised and forgotten by many and saved by one.
I am now resting in the arms of a beloved friend who's life bleeds the passionate promise of faithfulness. One day when the beginning meets the end and begins all over again i will truly understand, and know "WHY".
Posted at 01:28 pm by saralarissa
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Friday, June 11, 2004
I love Friday because it's like independence day for the full timers of the working class!! Although this week has passed by with much efficiency, i hope the weekend slows to an abrupt and halting pace. A pace that is comfortable and lasting.
Tonight Kara(my sister) is throwing herself a birthday dinner at the Macaroni Grill. I love Italian and i am looking forward to dinner. There should be a lot of friends there to catch up with...working full time has it's benefits, but i look forward to the days ahead when all my time is available...will be nice. I haven't really decided what i will do with my Saturday. i guess that's the way of California. Go with the flow, like a wave in the ocean. However sk8boarding with the Z-Girls on Sunday is what i am really looking forward to. This year of "life" has kept us too long from each other. What with work, University, relationships, and illness. It's been a difficult and we're all the happier now that summer has finally arrived and granting us the space and time to play.
Aside form all the fun there will be a bit of work for me as i prepare for the coming week. Filled with only 2 working days(excited about that), a flight across a bit of country to Colorado(excited about that), and seeing relatives for the first time in 12-13 years(not sure about that). But all things aside it shall be an adventure and you should all know how i love adventure. I hear in the Colorado area i am visiting is 9-10 outdoor skate parks, which you can surely bet on that Kara and i will make full haste to conquer. I just hope that my body and muscles hold up as they will have not been so adequately used in some 6 months.
I began writing this blog today in thinking i had not much to say, and as it turns out, i had more than i thought! Cool.
Posted at 12:16 pm by saralarissa
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Thursday, June 10, 2004
So today i worked so hard on my blog considering it was the only thing i was able to focus on while having a cold. My head feels all stuffy although my nose is runny. That my friends is irony. ALthough, I will say this...having a cold in the he summertime "sucks!"
I am looking forward to this evening when i will make dinner for my grandfather and i. Now that my parents have abandoned us to go cruising in their "new toys", a trailer and SUV!! Watch out world because here they come!!
Potentially one day i will barrow these "new toys" and have an adventure of my own....hummmm
As for now i will do what i can to get over this cold and enjoy the mild temperature we have been blessed with here in So. Cal. 85 today and if this weather stays as nice as it is, i may have to dump my dreams of moving South where the temperature stay mild all year round.
I hear the surf is nice down there...
Oh! i also plan to have my "boy cat" fixed so that my sleeping patters will become more regular.
Aside from all this my mind is preoccupied with job searching, university, special occasions, and finding time to relax and get creative either through means of surfing, skating, writing, painting, or decorating my poor apartment.
It is now 4:52 (16:52) and my countdown to the end of the day is at hand.....ciao.
Posted at 04:57 pm by saralarissa
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Tuesday, June 08, 2004
Isaiah 62
Zion's New Name
1 For Zion's sake I will not keep silent,
for Jerusalem's sake I will not remain quiet,
till her righteousness shines out like the dawn,
her salvation like a blazing torch.
2 The nations will see your righteousness,
and all kings your glory;
you will be called by a new name
that the mouth of the LORD will bestow.
3 You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD's hand,
a royal diadem in the hand of your God.
4 No longer will they call you Deserted,
or name your land Desolate.
But you will be called Hephzibah, [1]
and your land Beulah [2] ;
for the LORD will take delight in you,
and your land will be married.
5 As a young man marries a maiden,
so will your sons [3] marry you;
as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride,
so will your God rejoice over you.
6 I have posted watchmen on your walls, O Jerusalem;
they will never be silent day or night.
You who call on the LORD ,
give yourselves no rest,
7 and give him no rest till he establishes Jerusalem
and makes her the praise of the earth.
8 The LORD has sworn by his right hand
and by his mighty arm:
"Never again will I give your grain
as food for your enemies,
and never again will foreigners drink the new wine
for which you have toiled;
9 but those who harvest it will eat it
and praise the LORD ,
and those who gather the grapes will drink it
in the courts of my sanctuary."
10 Pass through, pass through the gates!
Prepare the way for the people.
Build up, build up the highway!
Remove the stones.
Raise a banner for the nations.
11 The LORD has made proclamation
to the ends of the earth:
"Say to the Daughter of Zion,
'See, your Savior comes!
See, his reward is with him,
and his recompense accompanies him.' "
12 They will be called the Holy People,
the Redeemed of the LORD ;
and you will be called Sought After,
the City No Longer Deserted.
Amen
Posted at 02:33 pm by saralarissa
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Friday, June 04, 2004
So another night passes and i once again have fallen short of my goal to get adequate sleep....please cats! Am i really asking for too much?! This is precisely why i am looking forward to getting that desired cup of coffee from Dagny's...more in a bit.
Change of Focus: I have to take the SAT tomorrow which surprisingly enough i'm not too worried about! Rather looking forward to it, because it is the embarking of the newest chapter or "blog" if you will, in my life. I just pray that all works out in the grand scheme of things the way one plans...
Change of focus: Andys'''(boyfriend)dog purdy(full on Dalmatian)is being put to sleep today. Although he's playing the tough guy role and pretending it doesn't bother him that much, i know that it must. He and his family have had that dog for a number of years not to mention it has been through various holidays and family reunions. I think it is a lovely animal however it is in God's master plan for some most loved by us to die otherwise there would not be a cyclical pattern in life that reconnects our awareness and our devotion back to the one who has created us all.
Change of focus: Had my hair cut tuesday after work. Still growing on me. Should i have a colour as well?
Change of focus:I like friday! I really enjoy the thought of having 2 whole days to plan for myself....should there not be more? If Jesus came to give me freedom does that include being a slave to work and further more to money?
Change of focus: I hate money, and don't really feel like working! Ever wonder what it would be like to live only by faith? I think i may give it a go! Who's with me?!
Posted at 10:26 am by saralarissa
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Thursday, June 03, 2004
Breakfast Chippins Car Wash
  
I woke with little sleep last night thanks to my lovely cat who cried most the night because he had been locked out of my bedroom. After hitting the snooze on my alarm i woke with frustration due to the lack of sleep and realizing i would be late for work....argh! "Just another thursday", i reminded myself.
I then quickly rushed downstairs careful enough not to trip in my high heeled shoes. I managed to get to where my car had been parked, only to find that someone sometime in the night had played a very poor joke on me!!
Adding to my frustration i found that this poor joke was played in form of what could've been breakfast for most people. "EGGS!!" I stood there for the moment surveying the damage & thought, "poor little Chippins". PETA would be most upset at this! A full on sigh came out of my mouth just before i phoned in at work to claim my tardiness was not intended but could not have been helped due to the circumstances.
Turning abruptly on (high)heel, i persuaded myself to once more make my way up the stairs for supplies to wash the poor Chippins from my APPLE RED BMW. Deciding to enjoy the moment out from work as my car needed the washing...it had been on my to do list for some time now...using mostly water and little soap the chippins came right off. And to my surprise no cars had hit me in their passing. Only interrupted once by a gentlemen slowly passing enough to ask if i would have dinner with him sometime because i looked so nice washing my car at 8:30am in a skirt and high heels.
I of coarse declined without grimacing or laughter. Thinking in retrospect on the proposal i should have accepted and invited all my friends to come along. After all he was paying right?!
It is pleasant sometimes to have a day where nothing at all makes sense...that way judging when a day is too sane or normal there is that thought back to this day when the "Breakfast Chippins" were thrown at my car and some random gentlemen ask me to dinner mistaking me for a car model at 8:30 in the morning. I sure hope the rest of June is as nice as 2day.
Posted at 12:44 pm by saralarissa
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Wednesday, June 02, 2004
Just about every weekend my friend Amy and I like to get up early in the morning get a cuppa, and head west on Highway 46. Almost at the speed of light because we're traveling, because we just can't get there fast enough! It always seems as we truly are moving that fast, partly due to the lack of caffeine not yet consumed into my body. Also partly because my head is swelled up with anticipation.
As we're traveling and trying not to get caught by the CHP(California Highway Patrol) we indulge in thoughts of the ocean and it's air. The ocean air that soothes the skin, then the lungs right before it soothes the stress of our journey. I know I write often of breezes, but the breeze coming from the pacific, to me, is indescribable!
When we get there I'm so overwhelmed with excitement that I can hardly get my wetsuite on fast enough! Checking what condition the waves are in always comes next. Then Amy and I catch a glimpse of the sparkle in each others eyes and with big grins on our faces we know the water is only yards away.
The anticipation continues to grow as the trek from where we've parked the car to where the water meets the sand seems never ending. Eventual making it there in what seemed like hours was actually only two and a half minutes. Then reaching waters edge stopping only briefly enough to evaluate the surrounding once more. We pray that God protects us from harm and thanking Him for the awesome waves. I secretly tell Him that if I don't get eaten by a shark, I'll be ever thankful. I am! Promise!! Amy stretches and I pick myself up from the wet sand and we head into the ocean. The waves come up to meet us like children running to meet their mothers. I don't know why it is that in my dreams I am never s nervous to greet the waves as I am in the real life. Maybe I dream myself to be taller than I really am. Despite my fear I push and paddle as far as my courage will allow me to go. With every strength I have battling the waves in hopes the perfect one will be along swiftly. Drop in I know that I am never more thankful to be alive!
So I guess it is true to say that in the face of my fear to be placed in Gods' merciful hands, there's no better place I'll ever know myself to be more alive than the moment I meet Him face to face.
I love surfing!!
Posted at 02:27 am by saralarissa
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Tuesday, May 25, 2004
Posted at 10:23 am by saralarissa
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Wednesday, May 19, 2004
Posted at 09:11 am by saralarissa
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Everyday at 10:30am, I get up from my desk to escape from the office. I get into the elevator and get off at the first floor. Walking outside into the sunshine and feeling the spring breeze on my freshly shaven legs, although give me chills, also reminds me of freedom. 